Sick
by alieneyes24
Summary: WARNING: Triggering content. Suicidal actions, self harm, etc. Read at your own risk. Hiro's insecurity gets the best of him and almost every day he resorts to self harm for comfort. He manages to hide it from Tadashi long enough, but newly developed circumstances keep him from staying home.
1. Chapter 1

**NOTE: Hey, okay, the first chapter is fucking terrible, but I needed to start somewhere. Bear with me, it gets better, i promise. I'll upload weekly, but please PLEASe stop reading if this triggers you. Self harm, suicide, strong language, possible inject but I'm not sure if I want to yet, etc. Be safe, and try to enjoy it.**

 **PROLOGUE:** Hiro blankly stared at his bloodstained arm. He didn't care anymore. He didn't remember when the light went out in his eyes, but it had, and now there was a ladder of lacerations in his forearm, and he couldn't feel a thing.

The door swung open. Hiro could feel callused hands on his shoulders trying to shake him back to reality and a muffled voice screaming what sounded like his name, but his vision was blurred and he had long ago lost touch with his senses. Then it all went black.

 **CHAPTER 1:** It had been an awful day for Hiro. Not only had he shredded his only copy of the blueprint for what would've been one of his best projects in Wasabi's laser-induced plasma, but he had also cut his thumb on one of Honey's graduated cylinders (that _he_ had knocked over and broken). This gave way for potential infection, so he ran to one of the emergency kits that were scattered around the lab. In his haste, he caused Gogo to crash into the wall; less than a minute later he found himself cowering under her tremendous voice. Already agitated, he screamed back; the little fight ended with Tadashi breaking the two up, both with red faces and angry eyes.

Gogo screamed at Tadashi to make Hiro go home- an hour later Hiro was walking home, still shaking with anger.

Once upstairs and in his room, he was sulking on his bed and staring at the wall, fuming. He was fuming; _Isn't he supposed to be the one who stands up for me?_ Hiro thought. _Why would he send me away instead of telling Gogo to leave me alone?_ Hiro realized how self-centered he must have sounded, but at the time he was too focused on how out-of-character Tadashi's actions were.

Suddenly, the rage was replaced with twinges of hurt; did Tadashi not care enough to protect him anymore? Was he finally done dealing with Hiro's naive, conceited ways? He felt ashamed and guilty; but he wouldn't bother trying to win Tadashi back. He'd taken him for granted too many times already, and he knew he didn't deserve Tadashi's love. It wasn't like Tadashi had been doing a very good job lately, anyway. It had been going on for a while now.

Hiro walked sullenly over to his desk and pulled out the drawer underneath. Slowly and weakly, his fingers trailed along the scattered objects until he found a small brown box. He pried the lid off with little effort and selected a small, thin blade; ideal for minimal scarring and deep wounds. He shuffled past the door and made sure it was securely locked, then dragged his feet to the bathroom.

He crouched in the corner and rolled up his sleeve; old, pink scars and fresh, crimson slits of dermis. He pushed the corner of the little blade into his skin; not deep enough to lose too much blood, but just deep enough to draw more than necessary. He dragged it in jagged lines down his arm and dropped the bloodsoaked razor to the clean, white floor. He simply sat there, watching little red drops run down his arm. Once the blood was dry, with blank eyes, he stood up and turned on the tap. He scrubbed his arm clean and dried it carefully. By the time he had rolled down his sleeve, Tadashi had run up the stairs and jiggled the doorknob to their bedroom, startling Hiro.

"Hiro? Are you in there?" Tadashi called. "Come on, unlock the door."

Hiro's heart raced; his arm was still weak, the cuts could reopen at any moment if they desired. It wasn't safe with him around so soon. "Y-yeah! I'm here!" Hiro called out. "Well, open the door. Why is it even locked?" Tadashi replied with curiosity in his voice. Hiro swung open the door, startling Tadashi. He turned around and walked to his bed without saying a word. "...Thanks?" Tadashi said, confused as to why Hiro suddenly seemed so hostile.

Hiro crawled onto his bed and absentmindedly pulled his laptop onto his lap with no intention of searching things up. Tadashi dropped his bag where he stood and strode purposefully over to Hiro. He shut the laptop and Hiro let out a groan of frustration. "You weren't typing anyway." Hiro's brow furrowed as Tadashi placed his hands on both sides of Hiro. He stooped over him and tried to read his thoughts, but Hiro's eyes were like walls. "Hiro. There's something wrong. What can I do to help you?" Tadashi asked rather forcefully, and Hiro backed away. "There's nothing wrong. What are you doing?"

Tadashi narrowed his eyes at Hiro, causing Hiro to back away even more. A look of genuine concern spread across Tadashi's face, and he stood over Hiro for a few seconds more. He finally stood up, scratched his head and sighed. "Hiro, I know that you're probably not comfortable talking to me about things, but know that I'm always here to-"

" _Tadashi._ I. Am. _Fine._ " Hiro interrupted. Tadashi sighed again and walked over to his bed.

Once behind the room divider, Tadashi started stripping off his shirt and grabbed a towel from his dresser. He walked over to their shared bathroom and opened the door. Hiro's heart skipped a beat- he forgot to clean up the blood on the floor. He prayed a collective prayer to every god that he knew of to keep Tadashi from seeing it. He watched with terrified eyes as Tadashi stepped into the bathroom and studied himself in the mirror. Tadashi closed the door and Hiro's heart was pounding uncontrollably. _Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease don't let him see,_ Hiro pleaded with whoever might be listening.

The door cracked open, and Tadashi looked at Hiro with worry in his eyes. Hiro knew he had seen it. "Hiro? Why is there blood on the floor?" Tadashi asked, concerned. Hiro stuttered for a few seconds before answering, but was cut off by Tadashi's realization: "Oh! That must be from where you cut your thumb earlier, right?" Hiro nodded profusely and Tadashi smiled. "Okay, well, take care of that thumb. I'll clean it up." Tadashi said. "Thanks…" Hiro sighed with relief as Tadashi closed the door and he heard the distant _clang_ of the trash can closing.

Hiro waited until he heard the echo of Tadashi's footsteps in the porcelain tub to scramble into the bathroom. He opened the door as quietly as he could, tiptoed to his corner, still wet with the water Tadashi cleaned it with. He lifted up the bathroom mat where he had pushed the little blade under and picked it up by the rust-colored, bloody corner. He ran out of the bathroom quietly, carelessly placing heavy footsteps on his way out. Tadashi pulled back the curtain just quickly enough to see Hiro's hand and a glint of metal reflecting off of the cold bathroom light. He turned back, rinsed the rest of the shampoo out of his hair and turned off the water.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I decided to just update early because the first chapter is** ** _horrendous_** **and I want you guys to get a better understanding of my writing. I'll upload a new chapter every week (or more often depending on feedback) just so you guys know. (Chapter 2 posted Oct/16/2015 for reference).**

 **CHAPTER 2** : Hiro glanced at the blurry alarm clock to his right; 3:28 AM. Tadashi's steady breathing and the buzzing of the streetlamps outside were the only sounds to be heard, only Hiro was the only one up to hear them. He turned his head and stared at the ceiling. _Had Tadashi seen the blade when he was cleaning?_ Hiro thought. _He couldn't have, he definitely would've said something. Knowing Tadashi, he would have been worried to death._

Hiro glanced at the clock again. 3:52 AM. _**What?**_ _How? I've been looking at the wall for like, 2 minutes!_ Hiro let out a quiet scoff. There was no use in trying to go to sleep now. After all, he was very capable of pulling all-nighters, and going to sleep 3 hours before he woke up would only make him more tired. He sighed, pushed himself into an upright position and peered at Tadashi's sleeping form. His chest rose and fell invariably; he was definitely asleep.

If Hiro was to do anything, he had to be quiet. Tadashi was the lightest sleeper known to man; a creaky floorboard was enough to rattle the elder to consciousness. Hiro pulled his laptop onto the bed and opened it slowly, careful not to let the digital chime of the awakening computer play. The soft glow of cold blue light disrupted his vision, but he shook his head and could see clearly once again. He clicked the little blue thumbnail on the downbar of the tab and scrolled away aimlessly for the next 2 hours.

After endless reblogs and notes, he glanced at the little numbers on the bottom right of his screen. 6:56 AM. He gasped quietly and his eyes swayed to the window, which was already showcasing the early light looming through the streets. Soft clangs of metal could be heard from Aunt Cass preparing the Cafe for another day, and Tadashi visibly stirred. Hiro scrambled to put his laptop back in its original place without a sound, jump under the covers and find a believable position to be caught sleeping in. He squinted at the clock: 6:59:52 AM. He counted under his breath- _8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1-_

His thoughts were cut off by the blaring alarm of Tadashi's clock. Hiro could hear him sit up, shuffle over to the clock and press down on the _off_ button with a _click._ The soft creak of the floorboards could be heard under Tadashi's feet as he made his way over to Hiro's bed. Hiro heard him pause, as if he had stopped to study something, but resumed soon after. He placed a hand on his little brother's shoulder and gave it a soft shake; Hiro shook his head and groaned a little as if he were actually sleeping.

"Hiro. I know you weren't asleep. You didn't close your computer all the way, knucklehead." Tadashi uttered groggily. Hiro snorted and sat straight up. "How do you even notice these things when you're half asleep?" Hiro hissed as Tadashi turned away and headed for the bathroom. Right before the door closed, Hiro caught a glimpse of a closed-eyed Tadashi tapping his head with a grin.

Hiro slumped in his bed. _Dammit,_ he thought. _I'm a terrible liar._ A few seconds later, Tadashi's head popped out of the bathroom and Hiro straightened up. "By the way," he started, clearly more awake. "What were you even doing?" Tadashi asked. Hiro let out a nervous laugh and scratched his head. "Same as always; Tumblr." Tadashi laughed accusingly and went back to his routine, leaving the door open. "You'd better get dressed, little dude. We still have to go to school." Tadashi mumbled through the floss in his teeth.

Hiro let out an exasperated sigh but reluctantly brought himself to his feet. He walked over to his dresser and quickly replaced his clothes with fresh ones for the new day (well, not exactly _fresh_. At least they didn't smell bad). "Didn't you wear those clothes yesterday? And the day before that?" Tadashi asked as they both headed downstairs. Hiro grinned smugly, and Tadashi let out a noise of disgust and replaced it with a laugh. "You're so gross!" Tadashi uttered through cackles. "And…?" Hiro taunted back as they walked out of the Cafe with an acknowledging wave to Aunt Cass.

He and Tadashi strolled out to Tadashi's car and climbed in absentmindedly. Tadashi put his hands on the wheel for a moment and held his breath. "..You okay?" Hiro asked. Tadashi let out a short puff of air and put the key in the ignition. "Yeah, I'm okay- I was just wondering," He started, pulling out of the parking lot of the Cafe. "Why was the door locked when I came home yesterday?" He asked with a twinge of worry in his voice. Hiro slumped in his seat and rolled his eyes. "Can we just forget about yesterday?" He asked exasperatedly. Tadashi examined him briefly. "Yeah, if you want to. You just seemed upset about something." He murmured. "I was just tired." Hiro assured him, lies seeping through the gap in his teeth. "If you say so," Tadashi replied, still not completely convinced that this was the truth. His eyes diverted back to the road, and an uncomfortable silence separated them until they arrived at SFIT.

"Hiro? We're here." Tadashi said with a reserved, quiet voice. He turned the key and pulled it out of the ignition with an audible scratch of metal. They both opened the car doors and climbed out without a word. An awkward silence still remained between them as they walked to the building and ascended up the stairs. Tadashi pulled open the door and gallantly held it open for his brother.

"Hi, guys!" Honey lemon greeted them as they walked into the lab. Several people glanced at Hiro with repulsion in their eyes, but Honey was happy to greet them. She was hovering over her station with a cheeky grin and pink steam wavering over her safety goggles. "Hey, honey." Hiro said without emotion. Honey ducked her nose back into her work and Hiro and Tadashi moved on silently to Tadashi's lab. Gogo was standing at the door, but pulled a face of mild disgust and sauntered away when she saw Hiro. Hiro felt a pang of hurt in his chest and turned back as Tadashi entered the room unknowingly. "Hey, I'll be right back." Hiro hastily removed himself and walked quickly to the bathroom.

Hiro's breathing was heavy as he leaned up against the door. His heartbeat was fast, and he locked himself in the largest stall. He darted to the wall and shrunk down into a ball in the corner. He tangled his hands in his hair and heaved quietly with upcoming tears; almost everyone in the robotics department hated him, not to mention the majority of the school shunned him every chance they got due to their envy. Not only did nearly everyone hate him, but now _he_ hated himself as well.

Suddenly, he remembered that he had hidden his blade in his haste to hide it from Tadashi in his pocket from the night before. He reached into one of the many pockets of his cargo shorts and sighed with momentary success when he felt the sharp metal edge against his fingertips. Hiro rolled up his sleeves and stared down at his fresh wounds; He barely had space left. He traced his fingers lightly across the healing lacerations and winced at the pressure.

He brought the blade to an area of bare skin. He pressed down and dragged it in a jagged, diagonal line across his skin; his breath hitched at the pain, but he ignored the little sounds he constantly exerted.

Soon, his arm was drenched in blood. He sat back and took a deep breath, pausing to observe it. His eyes locked on a small drop of blood that gravity was pulling down; it trickled down his forearm in a stream of opaque crimson and dripped off onto the tiled floor.

He placed the blade back in his pocket, when suddenly, he heard the door to the bathroom open. He froze; "Hiro? I forgot something at home, I was going to run and get it; I just wanted to let you know. You okay?" He heard Tadashi ask with worry in his voice. Hiro gathered his footing and stumbled as he rose; he pulled his arms behind his back and jerked his sleeves back down. "Yeah, I-I'm fine. I'll be out in a sec." Hiro flushed the toilet as if he'd been in there for a normal reason and casually stepped out. He flashed Tadashi an unconvincing smile, walked over to the sink and started washing his hands. Tadashi's soft expression had transformed into a pressing look of concern as he walked over to Hiro. Hiro turned to him and backed away a little, forcing a larger smile that Tadashi clearly wasn't buying.

"Tadashi, what are yo-" Hiro was cut off by an unexpected hug. Hiro tensed at the sudden physical contact, but relaxed as he realized Tadashi wouldn't be letting go anytime soon. He placed his right hand on Tadashi's back. "I promise. I'm fine." Hiro lied through his teeth. Tadashi pulled back, arms still loosely wrapped around his brother. He looked into Hiro's eyes; they were cold and dark. He leaned in and placed an innocent kiss on Hiro's forehead. "I love you, little bro. Don't forget that."

Hiro pulled out of the hug entirely and pulled a disgusted face. "Tadashi, you know I hate sappy stuff like that.." Hiro wiped his forehead off and walked towards the door. Tadashi followed, still not convinced that his brother was alright. "Believe me, I'm okay." Hiro lied, and walked out the door.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: If you guys want me to upload more often, PLEASE review these! I love getting feedback, it really helps.**

 **CHAPTER 3:** Hiro slumped in his chair. The private lab was boring when Tadashi wasn't available; he sighed obnoxiously and sat up straight. He looked around for something to do, and his eyes locked on an unfinished robot across the lab. He stood up quickly and rushed across the room. In his haste, he ran into the corner of Tadashi's desk. "Agh!" He cried out in pain. He brushed himself off and started walking again, only to stop dead in his tracks at the sound of inflation.

He turned around to watch Baymax slowly make his way through the maze of clutter in the lab over to Hiro. "Hello. I am Baymax, your personal healthcare companion. Hello, Hiro." Baymax chirped. Hiro sighed in exasperation. "Hey, Baymax." He groaned. "I was alerted to your need for medical attention when you said, "Ow". On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your pain?" Baymax's ritualized speech continued. "Zero. Go back to your charging thing, I'm fine." Hiro tried to push Baymax backwards, but to no avail. "I will scan you now." Baymax recited. "For the last time, do NOT scan m-" "Scan complete." Baymax interrupted. Hiro sighed again. "It seems you have a series of lacerations on your forearms, thighs, and around your clavicle, some of which on your left forearm are mildly infected. I recommend an antibacterial spray to prevent further infection." Baymax concluded his speech and Hiro absentmindedly rolled up his sleeve and allowed Baymax to treat his wounds.

"Okay, Baymax. I am satisfied with my care." Baymax turned and walked back to his charging station, deflated and closed up with a _ding_. Hiro pushed his sleeves back down and continued on his original path to the robot when Tadashi opened the door. "I'm ba-ack!" He singsonged. "Did you miss me?" He teased. "As if," Hiro replied mockingly. "What did you go get, anyway?" Tadashi smirked, reached into a plastic bag and pulled out two styrofoam boxes. "I didn't forget anything. We didn't eat, and I wanted an excuse to go get some food." He smiled and offered Hiro a box. Hiro gratefully accepted and opened the box hastily. There was an audible _crack_ of two chopsticks breaking apart. Tadashi turned his head to Hiro and smiled.

Hiro looked up at Tadashi and paused. "What are you looking at me for?" Hiro asked defensively. "Nothing," Tadashi replied calmly. "I just like looking at you." He snickered and ruffled Hiro's hair. "You're such a creep!" Hiro joked as Tadashi walked over to Baymax to begin upgrades and repairs.

"So, little bro, do you plan on doing anything today or are you just going to spin around in my chair and steal my fortune cookie again?" Tadashi teased. "Oh, I don't know. I'm feeling generous today, so you can keep your fortune cookie." Hiro replied, earning a laugh from Tadashi. "But really, any plans for megabot?" Tadashi pushed the question again. "No, not really." Hiro answered as an uncomfortable silence fell between the two and they both searched for something to say.

Hiro finally broke the silence. "So, what upgrades do you plan on giving him?" Tadashi turned to meet his brother's eyes across the room. "Hm? Oh, well, I decided that his basic functions are doing well as-is," He replied, turning back to Baymax. "I've decided to give him an new feature." Tadashi stood up and placed his hands proudly on his hips and stare at Baymax's face. "Aaaand, that would be?" Hiro urged Tadashi to continue. " _Aaaand,_ that would be a memory feature that shows every injury that Baymax attended to for each person he helps." Tadashi retorted. "Explain?" Hiro's eyes raced with uncertain worry. "It means that say, if Baymax attended to someone who was having a heart attack one time and has to attend to the same person again, he'll be actively aware of the fact that he has history with that person. If I do it right, he might even be able to recognize old injury in people that he's worked with before I gave him the feature."

Tadashi turned and smiled at Hiro again, but his grin quickly faded at the sight of Hiro's (not very well hidden) fearful expression. "What's wrong?" He asked, concerned. Hiro broke himself free of his thoughts and shook his head slightly. "Oh, nothing!" He scratched the back of his head and gave yet another unconvincing smile. "I was just kind of lost in thought." "Whatever you say, Hiro." Tadashi sighed.

Hiro pulled out his sketchbook and decided to spend a few hours planning upgrades for Megabot. As always, Tadashi spent most of his time wandering in and out of his lab to mingle and gather materials. By the end of the day, they were both tired and ready to retire back to the Cafe.

"Ready to go, Hiro?" Tadashi stood up and stretched. Hiro nodded and they both grabbed their things and started walking to Tadashi's car. Once inside, Tadashi suddenly remembered; "Hey, we didn't do our fortune thing! Did you do it without me?" He asked Hiro. The "Fortune Thing" was a ritual he and Hiro shared each time they got Chinese food. They would pick a random cookie and try to pronounce the Chinese word printed on the back (usually unsuccessfully on Hiro's part). Then, whoever had their lucky number on the fortune had to state theirs first, and the other would follow. Hiro acknowledged that it was kind of lame, but they both still enjoyed it. "Why would I?" Hiro flashed a grin and pulled two semi-broken fortune cookies out of his jacket pocket and held them out to Tadashi.

Tadashi smiled and took one out of Hiro's hand. There was a moment of crinkling cellophane and _snap_ s of fortune cookies cracking open. "What does yours say?" Hiro asked. Tadashi's face scrunched up as he squinted and tried to mouth the word under his breath. "Dry Cleaning: chayn-zi?" He cocked his head to one side and Hiro laughed at his inability to pronounce the word. Tadashi pushed his shoulder and retorted, "There's no way you could be better." "Oh, yeah?" Hiro challenged through giggles. "Bean Sprout: Dou-ya. Easy!" Hiro mocked Tadashi and stuck out his tongue. Tadashi accepted his defeat with a gruff sigh. "Any lucky numbers?" Hiro asked. "Yes, actually. My fortune says: Trust your intuition. The universe is leading you to help someone." "Huh, weird," Hiro said. "Mine reads: The skier never asked for the avalanche. What does that even mean?" He asked himself as he and Tadashi buckled themselves into their seats.

Roughly 14 minutes and about 4 decent songs on the radio later, they arrived at the Lucky Cat Cafe. Hiro got out of the car and stretched his arms, only to feel a sharp pain that caused them to jolt back down to his side. He waited for Tadashi to get his things and they walked to the door together. "Hey, Aunt Cass." The two said in unison as the little bell rang above their heads. "Hi, boys! I'm just about to close up shop. Want something to eat?" She replied cheerfully. "I'm okay, I'm pretty tired." Hiro said as he walked to the stairs. "I'll be upstairs." Aunt Cass frowned disappointedly and turned to Tadashi. "Same here. It was a long day at the lab; goodnight, Aunt Cass." Tadashi followed Hiro up the stairs. Aunt Cass let out a soft sigh and walked to the door to turn the 'open' sign to 'closed'.

Tadashi entered the bedroom and walked to his bed only to stop in his tracks at the sound of rushing water and Hiro muttering under his breath. He backtracked and turned to the bathroom door. It was cracked open just enough for Tadashi to see that Hiro was hunched over the sink and his white undershirt was being violently scrubbed at under the water. Tadashi put his ear to the door and tried to figure out what Hiro was saying, but all he got was a few words washed out by the rushing sink.

"Hiro? You okay in there?" Tadashi asked, realizing that it was the second time he had asked Hiro that question that day. Hiro looked up quickly at the door and shut it all the way. "Y-yeah, I'll be right out!" He pulled his sopping shirt out from under the water and frantically threw on his jacket to cover his arms. He rolled the bloodstained sleeve of his shirt into the inside so that the blood wouldn't show on the outside. He swung open the door, yet again, startling Tadashi. He walked straight past his puzzled brother and threw the shirt in his laundry hamper.

Tadashi sighed and walked over to his brother. "Hiro, are you sure you're okay? You've been acting strange lately." Tadashi asked. "Tadashi," Hiro laughed. "I'm positive. Now go to your side of the room and read or something. I've got the internet to attend to." Hiro shooed away his brother as politely as he could and flopped onto his bed. Tadashi sighed and turned away as Hiro pulled out his laptop.

"I'm worried about you, Hiro. If anything is wrong, don't shut me out." Tadashi said, back still turned. He turned his head to meet Hiro's eyes, but they weren't waiting for him. Tadashi sighed once again and was dismissed at the wave of a hand.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** AHahahAAAAAaaAAaA GUYS. PLEASE. REVIEW. IM DYING. I NEED VALIDATION. PLEase.

 **CHAPTER 4:** Tadashi looked over at Hiro's side of the room. He was surprised to find the boy sound asleep, given it was only midnight. Hiro was sprawled out on his bed with his computer wide open, balanced on his lower abdomen. Tadashi noticed the reflection of Hiro's computer screen on the window, and diverted his eyes right away. _Tadashi, stop looking. That's an invasion of his privacy._ Tadashi thought. But he really couldn't help himself.

Tadashi tiptoed over to Hiro, strategically avoiding all the creaky floorboards on his way over. Not even less than 10 feet away, Tadashi could see that Hiro was on Tumblr. As he got nearer, the image on the screen came into clearer view. There was a faded-out gif of what looked like a girl's arm dripping with- _blood?_ Tadashi's face went aghast. He nearly tripped and fell onto Hiro; He was shocked. _Why would he be looking at this?_

Tadashi was now standing directly over Hiro. As carefully as he could, he picked up the computer. He dropped quietly to the floor, horrified. His innocent Otouto _,_ his baby brother; Tadashi couldn't bring himself to his senses. He looked at the caption on the gif: "I'm stuck and I can't move forward. I feel like I have no purpose". His eyes moved to the source URL: "suicidal-hiro." Tadashi let out a worried gasp. With a heavy hand, Tadashi moved the cursor over to the profile icon. _There,_ the same username was. _This is Hiro's blog._ Tadashi looked up through blurry vision at his little brother. He looked so _at peace_ , so unmoved by the terrors of the world. _But- how can this be?_ Tadashi's mind went straight to self-blame for this. _I haven't been looking out for him, Why didn't I see this before?, I'm so stupid! How can I take care of anyone else if not even my little brother?_ and other similar thoughts raced through his mind.

Tadashi brought his hands to his head and he tangled his fingers in his hair as angry tears ran down his cheeks. He scrolled through Hiro's blog, justifying the fact that this was _definitely_ Hiro's. Posts with suicidal captions seemed to fill the entire blog. "I hate myself so so so so much", "Why am I even alive?", "I can't wait for the day that I die" and plenty of other captions along the lines of those were scattered all over the page beside pictures and gifs of suicidal kids, blood art and depressing images.

Tadashi was quiet for a moment. He was so ashamed in himself and his lack of ability to take care of his brother. He stared at the foot of Hiro's bed and allowed the tears to fall; he looked at his brother once again and stood. He closed the laptop, placed it on his desk, and walked to the laundry hamper. With shaky fingers, he pulled the damp white shirt out of the pile of overflowing dirty clothes. He unrolled it, and nearly dropped it on the floor at the sight of Hiro's bloodstained sleeves. Tadashi's jaw dropped slightly and he quickly turned to Hiro, tears still flowing at a constant rate.

Tadashi clutched the shirt to his chest and turned back around. He fell to his knees, not quite paying mind to his volume. He quietly sobbed into his hands; he couldn't stand to know the pain his brother was going through. He kneeled on the floor and let the tears continue to fall for a good 10 minutes. Finally, after endless thoughts and self-shaming, Tadashi made a promise to himself that he would be a better brother to Hiro. He wouldn't let him out of his sight without checking on him at least every 10 minutes, he'd show more affection, he'd tease him less; he'd refrain from _anything_ that could potentially hurt Hiro's feelings. He'd _try_ harder.

Tadashi stood up and took a deep breath. He folded the shirt and laid it on the desk next to Hiro's computer. Hiro roused a little in his sleep, and Tadashi paused. It took a moment to make sure Hiro was still asleep, but he definitely was. Tadashi's breath hitched in a quiet sob as he moved his little brother's arms down from above their previous sprawled-out position. He touched one of Hiro's forearms with a little too much pressure, and his face showed discomfort even in his sleep. Tadashi gasped and immediately let go of Hiro's arm; _I'm already failing,_ Tadashi thought. Carefully, Tadashi moved Hiro's arms back down and pulled the comforter up over his brother's shoulders.

Tadashi picked up the shirt and walked solemnly back to his own bed. He hid the bloodstained cloth under his bed where Hiro didn't dare venture. He crawled back into his bed and switched off his bedside lamp. He laid back-flat on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He interlocked his fingers and scrunched up his face to keep any more tears from falling. He had to be the strong one now; nothing was allowed to faze him. For Hiro's sake, Tadashi had to be strong. _To protect Hiro._

Tadashi continued to look up into the darkness. Thoughts raced through his mind; there were so many signs that he had missed, and they were _so_ obvious now. The blood on the floor? _Probably not from his thumb, Tadashi._ When he was being distant and cold? _Probably not just lack of sleep, Tadashi._ That day when he sent Hiro home because of his petty fight with Gogo? _He probably doesn't even know that I sent him home for his protection!_ Tadashi put his hand to his forehead. He had never felt so stupid and oblivious; he couldn't help but feel this was all his fault.

Tadashi turned to his alarm clock. It read **1:28 AM** in bold, red letters. He should've been asleep by now, so he curled up and closed his eyes. _I will not tell Hiro about this._ He thought to himself, just before fading off into a restless slumber.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: I feel like around here is when it starts to get good. I've been working ssSsSo hard on this, if you have any friends on Tumblr who are in the bh6 fandom, you'd be doing me a real favor by sharing this.**

 **CHAPTER 5:** Hiro was shaken awake softly by the hands of his brother; he rolled over and groaned, catching sight of the time: 7:10 AM. Tadashi had let him sleep an extra 10 minutes- _Why?_ Hiro wondered, but quickly shook the irrelevant thought out of his mind. He rolled back to Tadashi, who was planted at the foot of Hiro's bed. He didn't move; he sat there, sullen and hunched over. Hiro immediately sat up.

"Tadashi? What's wrong?" Hiro asked groggily. The question alone was enough to rattle Tadashi back to reality. He shook himself back to life and smiled nervously. "Oh, nothing… I was just thinking." Tadashi said, his voice trailing off at the end of his sentence. Hiro eyed Tadashi suspiciously but decided not to push the matter. "Well," Hiro began, standing up. "I'm going to go get dressed." Tadashi visibly flinched when Hiro stood. _What is wrong with him this morning?_ Hiro thought.

Given Tadashi was still on the foot of Hiro's bed and not tucked behind the rice paper divider like he usually was when Hiro got dressed, Hiro decided to get dressed in the bathroom. He gathered his semi-dirty clothes from the floor and walked towards the little room; he could feel Tadashi's eyes watching him all the way there. He tossed his clothes onto the tile and turned his head to meet Tadashi's eyes. Tadashi quickly looked away, but Hiro could clearly see the worry embedded into them at a moment's glance.

When Hiro closed the door, Tadashi sprung up and tiptoed over to it. He carefully and quietly pressed his ear to the door and listened for any suggestive noises. His mind raced with paranoid concepts of what Hiro could be doing. _He could easily get into one of those bottles and swallow a handful of pills- or slice his arm with a razor, or overdose on fluoride from the mouthwash…_ Tadashi had to halt himself. He had to trust his brother. He'd never tried any of that before. _That you know of, Tadashi._ The little voice in the back of Tadashi's mind sent him back into his little spiral of paranoia.

Tadashi pressed his ear against the door again, only this time to fall face first into the bathroom as the door opened. "Aah-AA!" He cried out as he flailed forward. Hiro ignored the fact that he was even trying to eavesdrop for the time being and held his arms out to catch Tadashi just in time. He grunted in effort to push Tadashi back up. Tadashi finally regained his balance and backed away immediately. Hiro walked out slowly. Step by step, Tadashi gave no mind to the fact that his constant helicoptering was _very_ annoying. After Hiro had made his way to the other side of the room and Tadashi's eyes had yet to stray from him, he lashed out, "What are you looking at?!" in frustration.

This sudden burst of anger set Tadashi aback; he stumbled into his side of the room. He looked like a lost puppy. Hiro didn't care now; he was annoyed. _Why won't he just leave me alone? What is his_ _ **problem?**_ Hiro thought. He sighed, picked up his backpack and looked at Tadashi. "Are you ready?" He asked unenthusiastically. Tadashi nodded skittishly and grabbed his things as Hiro walked down the stairs.

Hiro was already at the bottom of the steps by the time Tadashi made it to the railing. He snapped his attention back to Hiro and realized that he was out of his sight again; he skipped several steps jumping down the stairs and by the time he had reached the bottom, he was out of breath and could hear his pulse in his ears. He locked eyes with Hiro and walked over as fast as he could. Hiro rolled his eyes. He turned and led himself out of the Cafe. Not bothering to look both ways before crossing the street to Tadashi's car, Hiro stepped into the busy little parking lot. Tadashi noticed and immediately sprinted to catch Hiro before he took another step.

Hiro was thrown off slightly and his mind stopped for a moment before he found his brother's arm pressed firmly against his chest to keep him from moving further. Hiro looked around quickly for any signs of danger, but there appeared to be none. "Tadashi," Hiro began slowly. Tadashi looked down at his brother, who refused to meet his eyes. "Would you mind explaining to me what exactly _you are doing?"_ He seethed. Tadashi stuttered before saying, "I was holding you back. You could've gotten hit by a car, or worse, you cou-" "The only danger here would be if the trolley **ran off the tracks and into the parking lot!** " Hiro's voice raised at the end of his sentence. If Tadashi couldn't see it before, he could definitely tell Hiro was annoyed now.

"I-I was just trying to protect yo-" "FROM WHAT?! The parked cars?" Hiro interrupted Tadashi for the second time and pulled Tadashi's arm off of him. "I don't _need_ you to protect me from things that aren't even there." Hiro said darkly and stormed quietly to Tadashi's car. Tadashi still stood, frozen where he was standing before. He moved slowly to his car where Hiro was standing kind of impatiently. He unlocked it and got in silently with Hiro.

For the second time, they rode to school in tense, uncomfortable silence.

Hiro got out of the car the second Tadashi parked. He left Tadashi to maneuver his way to the lab on his own and deliberately hid from his older brother when he saw Tadashi behind him, panicking because Hiro was out of his sight. Hiro knew it was cruel to some extent, but _what the fuck was his problem?_ He hadn't given Hiro a moment alone since he woke up.

Hiro managed to crawl to Tadashi's lab without Honey noticing (a feat, if he should say so himself). He sat in his chair on his side of Tadashi's lab and pulled out his upgrade plans. He knew Tadashi would give up at some point and just come to the lab looking for him.

Several minutes passed before Tadashi decided to look in the lab. He darted into the room and glanced around for his brother, but he was nowhere to be found. He dashed past Honey who tried greeting him, but she received no answer.

In his lab, he found a silent Hiro hunched over his sketchbook. "Hiro, what was that for? You almost gave me a heart attack!" Tadashi complained, clutching at his chest for

dramatic effect. Hiro didn't even look up. He wanted to make it obvious that he was ignoring Tadashi.

Tadashi gave Hiro a second to respond, but he finally caught on, Hiro was definitely ignoring him. _He doesn't know that I found out, right?_ Tadashi thought nervously as he made his way over to his desk. When Tadashi's back was turned, Hiro looked up and stared at him. How was Tadashi so oblivious to the fact that he was _just being a helicopter?_ Hiro shook his head and went back to drawing out sketches for Megabot. The two spent the next few hours of the day in yet _another_ uncomfortable silence.

Around noon, Tadashi stood up and sighed. He stretched his arms and backed away from his desk. Hiro thought he was just going outside to mingle, as he had done so plenty of times that day. To his surprise, Tadashi walked to the door and stopped in his tracks. Hiro payed close attention to Tadashi's movements, but not so blatantly that Tadashi could catch on. His eyes followed Tadashi around, then opened in silent fear as Tadashi moved quickly towards him.

The older Hamada kneeled down by his brother. Hiro made not to look at Tadashi. He was still annoyed, and he wasn't about to give up. He kept his head down, but he unintentionally moved his head when Tadashi started speaking, which was already an instant giveaway to Tadashi that he was listening. "Hiro, seriously. You've been ignoring me all day, and-" Tadashi was cut off by Honey Lemon opening the door to the lab. "Tadashi? I was wondering if you have any hydrogen peroxi- oh, I'm interrupting. I'll come back later." Honey cut herself off and instantly left the room.

"Well," Tadashi continued. "You've been ignoring me all day, and I don't understand why. Is there anything, _anything_ I can do to make it up to you? What did I do?" Tadashi asked, apologetically. Hiro scoffed. He was breaking his stubborn streak, but he didn't really care. "What did you _do?_ It's what you're _doing,_ you blockhead!" Tadashi's eyes widened at his brother's answer. "You've been a total helicopter all day, and I have no idea why, but it's annoying and I'm going to _continue_ ignoring you until you stop." Hiro huffed. Tadashi took a moment to reflect of the day so far, and he realized that Hiro was right. He'd been making it so obvious that something was wrong that he forgot to treat today like any other.

"Otouto, I'm sorry.. I've just been stressed out lately, and I'm a little more paranoid than normal." Tadashi lied, but he didn't care. "Well, I guess it's okay. But can you _stop_ hovering over me all the time? Today is just like any other day. _There's nothing to worry about."_ Hiro tried to reassure Tadashi. _Hiro, if only you knew…_ Tadashi thought.

"Now go work on Baymax. I actually do have some planning to do." Hiro shooed him away playfully. Tadashi sighed with a relieved smile. He laughed lightly. "Well, hopefully Baymax's upgrade will be done by tomorrow. You can help me test it out, if you'd like." Tadashi offered excitedly. Hiro knew that Tadashi would definitely find out if Baymax's upgrade was successful. A chill ran down his spine, and he quickly declined Tadashi's offer.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Hey guys, sorry I was late. I usually post in the morning but yesterday I was s o tired I just forgot about it. I actually have only written 7 chapters and next week, I'll run out of stuff to post but I'll still be writing. It might take a little longer than a week, m=but maybe extra favorites/followers/reviews might help?2?2 please lmao**

CHAPTER **6:** Hiro sat in his bed, only now there was no electronic stimulation; he was just thinking. He bit his nails in response to his body involuntarily shaking. The mere thought of Tadashi knowing about his habits made him sick. Tadashi would be disappointed in him for not being strong enough, he'd have to tell Aunt Cass, he'd- "Hiro?" Hiro's nervous thoughts were cut off by Tadashi calling his name from downstairs.

"Yeah?" Hiro yelled back. "Is Mochi up there with you? We can't find her down here." Tadashi yelled back. "Yeah, he's okay." Hiro replied. "Aunt Cass? He's up with Hiro." Hiro heard Tadashi call to his Aunt.

Hiro wondered frantically how he could get out of this situation. He debated with himself what to do; taking away the programming for the upgrade from Baymax was always an idea, but he knew that was completely selfish and would only take away all of Tadashi's hard work. He couldn't do that to his brother, so there goes an option down the drain.

Hiro wrestled with himself and plenty other unrealistic ideas until he came to the final option; he would have to run away. Sure, it'd cause his brother some panic, but he'd get over it. He would have to hide pretty well to ensure that Tadashi wouldn't find him, and at best it would put off the upgrade. Hiro knew he was being senseless, but he had no other choice.

Hiro had to plan while he could; Tadashi would be up in their room soon, and he couldn't just pack out in the open. Hiro grabbed his backpack and started looking for necessities. He quickly threw Megabot into his bag (a priority, as he'd need a money source on the road). He grabbed all the spare cash he had and stuffed it into the smallest pocket. He took his keys as well, just in case he decided to come back. Minimal clothing, but enough to keep him from walking around the street in tattered cloth. His phone, his charger, his headphones, some medication. He swiftly opened his desk drawer and scanned the contents for important things. His eyes stopped when they reached the little brown box; he decided to take it, because Tadashi could very well go through his things in his absence, and he needed to destroy all the evidence.

As he put the box in his bag, he heard a familiar voice. "Hiro? What are you doing?" Tadashi came upstairs, a look of worry plastered onto his face. Hiro laughed nervously and turned to his brother. "I-I'm planning on going to the Chem Department tomorrow and I needed some extra stuff to pack, so I'm just getting a head start in case I forget anything tomorrow." He lied through his teeth, but Tadashi believed him. "Good idea, little bro. Don't mind me, I just came up for more paper." He smiled and waved as he left to go downstairs.

Hiro sighed and sat down in exhausted relief. He threw his sketchbook into his bag placed it under the bed. He needed a place to stay, but his only friends would definitely tell Tadashi if Hiro asked to stay there. He pondered on the subject for a while before deciding to make reservations at the cheapest hotel in his area.

He searched the internet before finding a motel that only charged $24 a night (given, it was in a dangerous part of town and quite a few deaths may have taken place there). He planned to leave at night, and he had to make sure that Tadashi wasn't awake. He also knew about the trackers Tadashi had placed in his jacket, so he had to leave it behind. He didn't want Tadashi to find him this time. He walked cautiously over to Tadashi's closet and grabbed a jacket he rarely wore; Tadashi would obviously never put trackers in his own clothing. Plus, it would be a reminder of Tadashi while Hiro was away.

When everything was set, Hiro placed his clothes under the bed next to his bag. He looked around the room and realized that this was the last night he'd stay there; he took it all in and sat down on the foot of his bed. _He was really going to run away._

"Hey, Hiro. I'm finally done studying; wanna get something to eat? My treat." Hiro heard Tadashi offer as he climbed up the stairs. Hiro gladly accepted. He would need all the nourishment he could get before he left.


End file.
